i chose to be gay the same day you chose to be straight

I am a lesbian. I did not decide I wanted to be a lesbian. People generally do not run towards and embrace willingly civil restrictions and social and religious outcasting. I don't enjoy being called a sinner and in general being discriminated against. Homosexuality is not some made up condition that people decide they want. Yes, there is homosexual fornication and rape and abuse of others sexually, but all of that is also present in the heterosexual world. Yes there are homosexuals who are very noncommittal and sleep around and such, but there are heterosexuals who do the exact same thing. There are plenty of homosexual couples who stay committed for life and raise happy healthy children. I have come to believe sexuality is truly a spectrum, with some people completely heterosexual, and others, myself included, completely homosexual, with the rest of the world scattered somewhere in between. I have never in my life had any physical attraction to a male, and while I grew up in a very conservative Christian family and area I had no idea that I wasn't straight. It wasn't anything to question. I figured I was a little weird b/c at sleepovers and things the girls would all talk about their crushes and they always asked me and I always said no one. They thought I just didn't want to tell, so they would prod for a while before finally giving up. But I was not lying, I really had no crushes. I had a few boys who liked me in junior high and high school, and I was friends with most of them, but I never had any physical attraction. I told myself it was because I had high standards and I was waiting for the perfect guy. Well, I pretty much found the perfect guy, but I can't date him or marry him. I did try dating him, I thought maybe friendship starts, and then love grows out of that. But I could not cultivate any sort of romantic feelings for him, when he touched me it did nothing, sometimes I even wished he wouldn't. The first time I kissed him, the first kiss I ever got, was so without any meaning or feeling that all I could think was this is stupid why do people do this, and was on the verge of it being disgusting. Then my first thought as soon as it ended was, 'I wonder what it would be like to kiss a girl.' Just like that, no actual time for thinking, it just popped into my head. It was so weird. And it felt like something in me had died. I started crying then, because I was so confused and didn't know what to do or think. So I started thinking, and talked to a few people, and reflected on my life, and realised that I have always been gay and had never known it or seen it because the environment was so closed to the possibility. I had always pushed aside my intrigue with the female body as artistic interest, although I rarely noticed attractive men, and didn't ever share the sentiments of other girls when appraising a quality male specimen. I didn't get it. Part of myself, really, but also characteristic of some lesbians, I am tomboyish, stopped wearing dresses and skirts to school in second grade, liked to play games with the boys, liked to help my dad do stuff outside, I was a young feminist and lesbian, with all the signs had anyone been capable of seeing them. But no one else in the world I grew up in could have seen them either, or hardly anyone, because they all were from the same basic understanding that homosexuality was a sin and a disease that gave AIDS to all the little kids in Africa. So for years I felt very different and couldn't figure out why, and struggled with it. But now I understand, now I have realized that this is who I am, and that it has always been a part of me, and I can appreciate myself in new and healthy ways. My parents don't know, and will not at all be happy when/if they find out, but I am becoming less fearful of people finding out and knowing, because I am learning that one can only be complete when one is comfortable with who one is. So I embrace my sexuality as a gift from God, not as a mistake or a sin or a bad choice. I am waiting to meet a wonderful woman that I can spend my life with, and maybe adopt children with. Humanity is sinful, and laws against gay marriage have not stopped heterosexuals from making a mess and a mockery out of the so-called sacred. God does not care for the sins of fornication and adultery from either sexual orientation, but I believe God blesses committed partnerships and families from both. A homosexual couple cannot have children in the natural way, but this is also the case for many heterosexual couples. There are plenty of instances of infertility from one or both spouses. And there are so many orphaned and poorly cared for children in the world, why should anyone deny these children a good home that provides love and shelter and basic needs met? Just because there are two moms or two dads? Some kids only have one parent, some have no parents, only a cousin or a grandmother or group homes. The gender does not matter as long as there is love for the child that promotes health and a good life. There are good homosexual people just like there are good heterosexual people, just like there are good people with blond hair and good people with brown hair. Genetics and nature and nurture are not simple, but I'm not a lesbian because my parents did something wrong in raising me or because I was abused or for any other reason but that is who I am and how I was made. I chose to be gay the same day you chose to be straight. And those who say counseling and therapy can 'cure' homosexuality are not correct. They may be able to delude some into believing they are straight, and they may appeal to others who are less homosexual on the sexuality scale and convince them to only listen to the heterosexual leanings they have, but they will 'cure' no one, and of all the testimonies I have read of supposedly cured people, none of them say they are happy with their new life, that they have a good relationship with someone, that they no longer suffer distress over these issues. But I have found some relief and healing in understanding this part of me and who I am and why I felt so strange for so many years, and I do not believe that denying that again would make things better. Therefore I urge anyone who reads this who is uncertain in this area to think about these things, have an open mind, and remember that I am a human also, no less than any other. God be with you.