missing 'person'

42-foot-tall inflatable snowman stolen in Tyler
The Associated Press

TYLER, Texas -- "Frosty" the snowman has been swiped.
The 42-foot-tall inflatable holiday decoration is missing from a tree farm in Tyler.
Officials at Dixon Farms say Frosty, worth about $10,000, was last seen Friday night.
So far no arrests.
Lot owner Royce Wisenbaker believes Frosty was hoisted over a fence.
A $1,000 reward has been posted for the safe return of the towering decoration.
Frosty is described as a white male, sporting a red hat and scarf, with a pipe in his mouth.

http://www.star-telegram.com/448/story/341319.html

I have nothing more to say about this, it speaks for itself. And it is hilarious.

"Living Large"

So, I was riding back from Garden Ridge Pottery with my roommate the other night when we drove past a large church, nondenominational I think, or maybe Baptist, though the denomination is rather irrelevant. On their sign was the topic for the upcoming sermon series, called "Living Large: A Life of Abundance." There are so many things wrong with that. The first thing that struck me was related to weight, and how in the midst of living a 'life of abundance' affluent Americans have been getting larger. Less physical activity in most people's daily lives because they have office jobs and work long hours behind a desk, going out to eat because it's quicker and easier and often part of a job, more stress and less healthy ways of coping with it. Based on what I know of this type of theology I am pretty sure this topic is supposed to be a positive sermon, a sermon to tell the congregation how if they trust God and 'live large' and have faith God will give abundantly to them. Unfortunately this translates into an equation: faith in God=lots of stuff. And that is not something God ever promised. I don't really know where this idea that being a good Christian means physical affluence came from, but quite the opposite is promised multiple times in the Bible. Followers of Jesus are promised trial, tribulation, persecution, etc, but no material wealth (though it's not all doom and despair!). Another problem with this view is that if one takes this view of Christianity then clearly all the Christians in other parts of the world that live in poverty and barely scrape by, partly due to the economic conditions of their countries, clearly just do not have enough faith. That is a bit disturbing, and unhelpful in dealing with others. It skews many aspects of theology. How does one work with charity and even share when one believes that everything one has is a sort of prize for being a good Christian? I believe this type of theology is dangerous and makes it difficult to create a positive vision to work toward. That is one thing I like about Lutheran theology. It says that we as Christians are acting out God's purpose in the world, and thus it is our responsibility to share wealth, care for those who are lacking, and promote peace and well-being for the WHOLE earth, ALL people, because we believe every person is God's and should be treated thus. Be careful, then, when promised material abundance in return for faith, because that is not a promise God gave, and in some instances it seems to me it is more in line with a curse.

delineate

So, I consolidated blogs (if there was an easier way than what I did...I don't want to know), and now we shall see if I can do this properly. Maybe now this blog can be what it was intended to be, I'll keep my livejournal for personal issues that have up to now been scattered (or I'll actually use a pen and paper so as not to make other people crazy with some of it), and then I moved my poetry so I have one account. Don't ask why I had done what I had done, I don't really know. Anyway. Life is a lot of work sometimes, just as a side note. Ok, this is the mediating post, I'll keep my previous ones, but from here on, turning over a new leaf, or what have you. Thanks, invisible readers.

Reformation Day and other thoughts

Red text for Reformation Day. Anyway. This is a pep talk to myself, as it were. I am having trouble now deciding if my therapist is useful since he said he doesn't believe in altruism except maybe towards children. And I am beginning to learn somehow that I can and must change ways of thinking if I want to be better. So here's an attempt at positive thinking. I am useful, a good person, worthwhile, and important. I am cared for and loved and important to other people. I have a purpose to discover, and something to give the world. I am intelligent, talented, and have gifts to use and share. It is Reformation Day, the day Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses to the door of the Wittenburg church in 1517. It is time for personal reformation for me, and time for me to embrace the opportunities of reformation. I want to be, and I can't let crap get me down. Time for the stubborn self of me to stand up again and say no to hell. I have been saved, freed, given grace so that I may live, and it's time to live. I may have to repeat this, but I am tired of being sick. Tired of being like this. And I have as much to do with change as anyone. So here goes.

the edges of hell

Been to hell the past week or so, for the millionth time. I don't know what it will take to bring me home again, but my God I need out. I feel maybe God is creeping back in, and I don't want to lose her again. I don't even really know what to say anymore.

The Meaning of Life

I went to the football chapel today to run MediaShout for PG, and the sermon was pretty good for where I am in life currently. So I shall share some thoughts etc, about it. There is a clip from the movie City Slickers that PG has used before but it was in today's sermon: the part where Curly tells what'shisname about the meaning of life, finding that one thing. The One Thing that is you, that is the most important thing in your life. He says once you find it, you've got the meaning of life. And then PG went on to elaborate and give a few questions to help in the search of that one thing. 1) What do you love? 2) What are you good at? 3)What do others see you doing? 4) How can you make a difference? Answering those four questions should give you your calling. If only it were easy. It looks easy, answer four questions, job applications usually have more questions than that. But these are not easy questions, and they require some soul searching. And on occasion the things we love and the things we are good at sometimes conflict, or at least don't harmonize. I love music, but I'm not terribly good at it. Therefore some things are best left as hobbies or forms of entertainment. And I have quit my radio job, though my last day isn't until next Sunday. And I have contemplated offering to work until the 30 instead, in case they need me (which they probably will, as far as I know they have no one to replace me), but I don't know that I should. It would make an unclean break, it doesn't change the fact that the people make me crazy (or something), and as far as I know in another week I won't be feeling like I have extra time. It suddenly occurred to me the other day that I miss playing soccer, but there isn't a whole lot I can do to remedy that one at this point. I am way out of shape, but hopefully intramurals will start soon, and it will also cool off some so I can start riding my bike to school. Since clearly soccer is not my vocation, I must move to something else. I love church, and theology, and I could probably argue that I'm good at it, or at least not that bad at it. And sometimes I think I hate church, or at least the physical/political manifestations of it that we humans seem so good at ruining, but then again I think maybe that's my goal, then, to try to make church not such a bad place. I heard when I was younger that we were supposed to invite people to church so they could be saved, but now I invite people to church b/c I like church and I want to share something I enjoy. I don't often get taken up on that offer, but still I think my motivation is just. And I think church scares some people, and for good reason I imagine, which is why they hesitate to take me up on it, they don't enjoy it like I do, but I wish that would change and they could enjoy it. It's hard, b/c some of the things I like about church don't mean much to others, and some of the things that would make them enjoy it more weird me out a little, but I'm learning, and working, and we'll see if at times we can't make the twain meet. It seems lately I have a renewed fear of branching out, exploring new things, taking risks, etc, and while I am not entirely sure what brought this about, it will need to be remedied, because I need to step out again. I want to, really, I don't like restrictions based on my incapacities, so I must take some steps and pray for help and forgiveness when I screw up and some grace per always. And I think I shall read the Rich Mullins book again, though I cannot guarantee that I actually have time for it, but I'll probably do it anyway. I think it could be useful. And then I'll see if I can borrow some Anne Lamott, I always hesitate to buy books if I am not sure I'll like them. Though I generally have a high opinion of the people who have read and liked this women and their opinions on such matters, but again, one never knows. I believe I have strayed a bit from the point of this all, so I shall meander my way back there now. Hopefully not having a job off campus, reading, and chapel/church experiences will allow me aid and time for soul searching so that I might better understand myself and go from there, and find the place God has for me in this crazy world in which I reside. Amen.

who's idea was this?

So, they say the 20 years are often troubled. Sadly I got that ticket. I don't mean to be trouble. Life just isn't very clear-cut right now, and I don't know where I'm going. I am at the end of college, but with no clear direction for after graduation. I don't really want to look for a job at another church that would involve leaving Living Word, b/c I like Living Word and the people there, and at this point I feel it is one of the more open congregations where there is the possibility of my being out and that being ok. And of course in general, with regards to life, my sexuality creates issues, because I found the guy I probably could have married, but I can't marry a man, and the pool of quality lesbian women seems rather miniscule. I'm probably just picky, because my faith and Lutheran-ness in particular means so much to me, and b/c finding a Christian lesbian is not easy, though one can hardly blame anyone for that. In general we avoid people who as a whole reject us. It's only natural.
And then of course there is the employment factor. I clearly need to make enough money to pay rent and eat. Otherwise I don't need a lot, but a little extra to be able to save is a must, just because you never know what will happen. I experienced the real world of being screwed this summer, some people are not concerned with their customers or anyone else's best interests. And that sucks. But I learned my lesson, and I will avoid spending money that's not in person or spending money in general until I graduate. I just don't know what job I will find. I think I'll probably try to work at some camera/photo developing store or another, that seems to be the only thing I have successfully done and enjoyed. Oh there are aspects of the radio job that I have enjoyed, but the lack of regular, daytime, not night/weeked/holiday hours is affecting me more than I thought it would. I want to make it to a place where the least little thing doesn't ruin my life. I am getting tired of finally getting to a decent place emotionally and then basically being knocked down again. I want to be reliable and capable and not just someone who must be tread carefully around. I think that can happen, it will just take time, patience, and a miracle. Or an act of God, if those two are not the same. I am sorry I am still here at this place, I don't know who's idea it was for the 20 years to be so obnoxious. But God willing I will come through them with only some scars and lessons learned, and be better for it. I pray for the grace of God for myself and others, and the renewal that comes from the waters of baptism that Luther found so very important.